My first thought, the scariest thought, is that there is no point. Looking back it’s hard to see a clear point. Instead it was a chain built link by link. A gradual descent into hell. But then I thought more and I had tried to break up before, so one of those times. The first of which was a time where she wanted me to basically exclude my father from our wedding if he wouldn’t support us. Other good choices would be one of the first times I was bawling on the floor or physically stopping her from committing suicide (although it was likely gesturing).
I had my first relationship this year, it lasted a month, and I spent most of the time trying to gracefully end it (eventually opting instead for a scorched earth approach that I’m not particularly proud of). I had the advantage of realizing pretty quickly that it was a bad idea. (I’ll be talking about this at more length in another post at some point).
What was concerning about your story was, as you said, it wasn’t immediately clear where to end it. I think people with mental disorders deserve to at least be given a shot, which I have a hard time reconciling with the knowledge that maintaining such a relationship is incredibly hard and you have to consider your own wellbeing and most of the time, honestly it probably will turn out not to be worth it.
Part of the reason I wanted to get out of my “relationship” quickly was the realization that not only did we have no long term prospects, but she had a lot of legitimate problems that she needed help with and if I tried to help her with them she’d come to depend on me and then it’d suck for her even more when I eventually needed out.
I’d say that eugman should never have gotten into the relationship in the first place. Usually—I mean practically always—when someone is as seriously unsuitable a partner as his ex-fiancee sounds like, the evidence of that can be seen rather quickly, before you become a couple or best pals or whatever.
But, as eugman pointed out, his experiences and temperament didn’t give him the best skills in this area, so it’s no more reasonable to expect him never to have dated her than it is to expect him to have gotten out sooner.
My first thought, the scariest thought, is that there is no point. Looking back it’s hard to see a clear point. Instead it was a chain built link by link. A gradual descent into hell. But then I thought more and I had tried to break up before, so one of those times. The first of which was a time where she wanted me to basically exclude my father from our wedding if he wouldn’t support us. Other good choices would be one of the first times I was bawling on the floor or physically stopping her from committing suicide (although it was likely gesturing).
Good to know.
I had my first relationship this year, it lasted a month, and I spent most of the time trying to gracefully end it (eventually opting instead for a scorched earth approach that I’m not particularly proud of). I had the advantage of realizing pretty quickly that it was a bad idea. (I’ll be talking about this at more length in another post at some point).
What was concerning about your story was, as you said, it wasn’t immediately clear where to end it. I think people with mental disorders deserve to at least be given a shot, which I have a hard time reconciling with the knowledge that maintaining such a relationship is incredibly hard and you have to consider your own wellbeing and most of the time, honestly it probably will turn out not to be worth it.
Part of the reason I wanted to get out of my “relationship” quickly was the realization that not only did we have no long term prospects, but she had a lot of legitimate problems that she needed help with and if I tried to help her with them she’d come to depend on me and then it’d suck for her even more when I eventually needed out.
I’d say that eugman should never have gotten into the relationship in the first place. Usually—I mean practically always—when someone is as seriously unsuitable a partner as his ex-fiancee sounds like, the evidence of that can be seen rather quickly, before you become a couple or best pals or whatever.
But, as eugman pointed out, his experiences and temperament didn’t give him the best skills in this area, so it’s no more reasonable to expect him never to have dated her than it is to expect him to have gotten out sooner.